|Photo Location: Serengeti National Park, Tanzania|
As some of you know, I really dislike my job right now. The staff and other nurses I work with are phenomenal, don't get me wrong. Hands down the best and most kind and helpful staff I have ever had the privilege of working with. The floor itself is just awful and the management is something to be desired, especially when I feel like I get dumped on with the worst assignment every day I come into work. But I digress. I bring this up because this time next week I'll be done and driving home. I'm ecstatic! My mom and sisters are flying out and we're gonna road trip it home through Nashville and take a little vacay, I'm so freaking excited to be back with my sisters I can't even think about it yet! And while I've been counting down the days until I'm home I'm still a little nervous...
I'm nervous because at this moment, this is going to be my last travel assignment. I know! It makes me really sad to an extent. I love living in different places and experiencing different places but this last assignment has absolutely sucked the life out of me. I was debating this being my last contract since the beginning. The high of traveling is brought somewhat low by the feeling of complete uncertainty when I start a new job and basically knowing nothing about the facility. Easy, simple questions like where things and finding them take me three times as long as it should. This has never bothered me on any other travel assignment before and just comes with the territory. I know this but this time was just more frustrating and annoying than normal. I was just over it. I feel like I'm ready to go back home and to a place I've worked and feel comfortable. And now with how awful this assignment has been I'm taking it as a sign to go home...it's time to go home.
With that bring ever more uncertainty, though. I know where I'll be getting a job but I still don't want a permanent position (first world problems, I know). I'm nervous about where my life is going now that I'm going home and settling down to a certain extent. For so long the uncertainty of travel nursing felt comfortable. I found comfort in taking an impermanent position every few months. I loved having fluidity of movement and to be able to travel at will. It's what fits my personality, it's not for everyone, I get that. And while I'm so excited to go home, the idea of 'settling' is kind of terrifying to me. I feel like I'm right back where I started and sometimes I feel like that's a good thing and sometimes I don't.
All those thoughts have been going through my mind for a while and then this quote popped up in my life. And it really brought a sense of clarity to me. I always pride myself on going with the flow, facing challenges by myself, and being pretty fearless with my life and endeavors. But I'm nervous! The idea of staying in one places makes me more nervous than living the gypsy life. Crazy, I know! The thought of being confined to a cage aka a permanent job makes me feel claustrophobic. I don't want to get complacent by going home and getting in a rut that I was in prior to doing travel nursing. The struggle is real and I am kinda scared about what life has ahead for me.
This quote gave me the kick in the ass I needed to remember it's okay to be scared. But you can't let it consume you. You have to rise above and acknowledge that fear is healthy, it's a sign that you care and that things matter to you. I am scared about the unknown in front of me but I am stronger than it. This quote made me realize all of this and more and was exactly what I needed to hear at exactly the right time. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and can only hope this is the right choice and where God is guiding me. With all the bullshit I've dealt with at this job, it has to be the right move...right? Regardless, I am stronger than my fear and will face whatever life has for me head on.
Do you guys have a recent quote or book that spoke to you?
Thanks to Katie Ashley for her amazing words that spoke volumes to me, I really needed to hear what you had to say.